Christmas at the Weasley's
by ShortymcShortnphat
Summary: Just some crazy antics and lots of Weasleys. POST Order of the Phoenix, but AU. No romance
1. Chapter 1

**Christmas at the Weasleys**

**By ShortymcShortnphat.**

**AN: Just some crazy antics. I'm having some writer's block lately, so I'm hoping this will loosen it up. Oh yeah, this is SPOILER post Sirius' death.**

**Chapter One. Pumpkin Pie**

"I'm bored!" complained Ron lying on the floor in front of his unfinished homework.

"You should finish your homework." Hermione advised setting her quill down after wiping the tip of any excess ink with a tissue, "If you'd focus for more than two seconds you might actually be done by now."

"How about if I focus for three seconds, how soon will I be done?" Ron asked smirking up at the girl.

"I don't know, why don't you find out?" Hermione asked putting away her school things.

"Would the two of you shut up?" Harry asked quietly.

"You're in a right mood." Commented Ron

"I just wish…I just wish that Sirius were here." Harry said returning his gaze to his book on Quidditch.

"Sorry mate," Ron said sympathetically, "You want to get active?"

"What do you mean?" Harry asked

"Let's go fly."

"It's freezing outside!" Hermione reminded them, "You'll catch your death!"

"Yes, mum." Ron said with a scowl.

"Actually." Harry said, "I would fancy flying for at least a little bit. We'll bundle up." He closed his book and began to put on his boots.

"Yeah!" Ron said excitedly following suit.

"Fine, I'm going downstairs." Hermione said leaving the boys room quickly.

She entered the kitchen a moment later. The room was warm and fragrant from Molly Weasley's cooking and Remus Lupin sat alone at a table.

"Hello." She said to him.

"Hello." He replied grimly staring out the kitchen window. He looked more tired than ever and the bags under his eyes seemed to get bigger as he was sitting there. Hermione looked over at Molly with an inquisitorial look but the woman just shrugged taking a pumpkin pie out of the oven. She laid it on the windowsill to cool and turned to Hermione and Lupin, sitting at the table.

"You two will watch my pie for me, right?" Molly asked cheerfully, "If those young boys get to it, it'll be gone in a flash."

"Sure Molly."

"Yes, Mrs. Weasley." Hermione looked over at Lupin again as Molly left the room, "You don't mind if I sit here with you, right?"

"No, it's fine." Remus said after a long pause. He turned to Hermione and gave a weary smile, "So, why are you down here rather than with Harry and Ron?" He asked directing his attention to her.

"They're going out to fly in this damned weather, I can't believe them." Hermione scowled leaning on the table in front of her.

"You don't like Quidditch?"

"I'm no good at it. I don't mind them playing or anything; I just think it's stupid to go outside in this kind of climate." Hermione replied haughtily.

"I'm glad I came for Christmas." Remus laughed.

"Harry misses Sirius a lot." Hermione said after a moment of silence.

"So do I." Remus said quietly. The silence regained control of the atmosphere for a moment and the two looked away from each other awkwardly. Remus took a deep breath, "That pie smells really good, doesn't it?" He said

Hermione sniffed the air, "Yeah it does." She looked over at Remus who had a devious smile on his face, "We couldn't." She said with a pale face.

"Yeah, you're right…" Remus said his smile faltering, it picked up again, "But you know, we could."

"Why?"

"Well, I don't know. You and I are a lot alike, Hermione, we've both spent a lot of time discouraging other people from doing wrong things, we're too cautious!" Remus said

"What are you proposing?" Hermione inquired skeptically

"Let's eat this pie and frame someone else." Remus said grinning.

Hermione stared at him wide-eyed then she smiled, "Ok, just this one time."

A half a pie and two glasses of milk later Hermione and Remus pushed the pie plate away.

"I'm stuffed!" Hermione complained

"Good thing Christmas isn't until tomorrow, I'm going to have trouble eating anything else today." Remus said.

"Now we have to blame someone, right?" Hermione verified.

"Right!" Remus agreed, "Let's blame Ron and Harry, they have it coming." Remus said

"Ok." Hermione agreed, "We have to be messy like them, leave your dirty fork in the pie pan!"

"Wow, we're getting wild!" Remus said sticking his fork directly into the pie, "We should leave some of their Quidditch books open by here too!" He added

"And change the seats to over there; Mrs. Weasley knows where we've been sitting." Hermione said grinning.

"Let's do it!" Remus said. The two of them arranged everything as planned and abandoned the scene.

"Breath mint?" Hermione offered to her counterpart.

"Why thank you, yes." Remus laughed.

"That was a good flight!" Harry said, careful not to track mud into the Weasley's house. He stretched and hung up his jacket and scarf, taking a long stretch afterward.

"Something smells good," Ron said after taking off his own wet jacket, "Mum must be baking, let's go see."

There they found the scene as Hermione and Remus had left it.

"Cool!" Ron exclaimed sitting down, "Mum must have known we were coming inside and she left pie!" He took a bite of the half remaining pumpkin pie and sighed in delight, "Have some, mate."

"Ok." Harry agreed sitting down. The two of them began to help themselves when Molly Weasley entered.

"Hello dears." She said then eyed them with fury, "YOU TWO ATE ALL THAT PIE! YOU'LL MAKE YOURSELVES SICK! RONALD WEASLEY I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, oh I don't blame you, Harry dear, how could you have known? MAYBE YOU THINK ALL MY HARD WORK WENT IN JUST FOR YOU, YOUNG MAN, UPSTAIRS MARCH!"

Hermione and Remus heard the shouting and watched as Ron fumed storming up the stairs.

"We got him into trouble." Said Remus with a panicked look on his face. Hermione nodded.

"Yes, we did." She said

"It felt good."

"Yes."

**TBC**

**How crappy was that?**


	2. Chapter 2

Christmas at the Weasley's

By ShortymcShortnphat

AN: Yeah another, thanks to my 2 reviews you gave me spirit to update so quickly. There will be a few characters in this who come to the Burrow who probably wouldn't at this point and time, yell if you want but like I said in the first chapter. AU!

Chapter 2. Planning

"I'm bored." Ron Weasley complained staring at his swollen red hands.

"Not this again!" Harry said closing his book, "Do something already."

"Easy for you to say, my hands are killing me, I've scrubbed the whole house from top to bottom, the old fashioned way!" Ron said loudly soaking his hands in Bubotober pus. (AN: Yeah, I totallllly spelled that wrong, continue).

"Where's Hermione?" Harry asked suddenly looking around Ron's bedroom for the girl, expecting her to be reading diligently in a corner.

"I don't know." Ron said.

"By the way." Harry added, "I've been cleaning the Dursley's for years, so I don't know what you're complaining about."

Ron frowned, "Sorry mate."

Hermione and Remus were in deep conversation with one another.

"That was fun!"

"Exhilirating."

"Fantastic." The two had decided to go on a walk with each other in the snow, against Hermione's previous position on the dangerous weather.

"We should do it again!" Remus said stretching his long arms over his head.

Hermione laughed, "Don't you think it'll be a little suspicious if Harry and Ron supposedly eat another pumpkin pie, it's a little obvious." She said shaking her head.

"I mean do something mischievous again! I mean, I've watched it been done a million times, but I've never done anything like that." Remus said, "It'll just be this Christmas, you and I go wild!"

"We should set goals!" Hermione decided taking a pen and paper out of her jacket.

"You keep those on you?" Remus inquired looking at the girl strangely.

"Yep!" She said with a broad smile writing GOALS on the top of the page.

"To each her own." Remus said with a shrug. "We should pull three more pranks."

"We can do better than that!" Hermione said, "Five!"

"You're right! Let's make it ten!" Remus said shooting higher.

"Are you sure we can make it?"

"Think big, girl!"

"Ten it is." Hermione wrote down, "We have five days, including today, we've pulled one already, let's pull one more today and two every day after, and we'll finish."

"Perfect." Remus said

"So who should be first?" Hermione inquired

"I'm thinking Mr. Prefect." Remus replied, "He's home working on…I don't know work stuff."

"Ok, let's do it."

"I have a plan!" Remus announced suddenly. He whispered it to Hermione as if someone were listening, and the girl burst out in laughter.

"Perfect!"

"Don't you mean Prefect?"

Later that night….

"You're working so hard Percy, wouldn't you like something to eat or drink?" Molly asked her son as she poked her head into his room.

"Not really."

"Percy I insist you drink something!" Molly said, "At least drink something!"

"Fine."

"Oh I'll bring it up to him, Mrs. Weasley, you're so busy with dinner." Hermione offered.

"Thank you dear, take him up a jug of pumpkin juice." Molly said with a smile

Hermione took the jug, spiked it quickly and took it upstairs.

"Percy, I brought your pumpkin juice, your mom said to drink it all, ok?" Hermione said sweetly.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Percy said not looking up from his work, but taking a large drink out of the glass Hermione had set before him. The girl smiled; Plan number two was in action.

One hour later….

Ron and Harry were playing a game of wizard's chess when Fred and George burst into their younger brother's room laughing hysterically.

"You guys have got to see this!" Fred laughed gasping for breath

"I've—there's nothing like it!" George laughed. Ron shrugged and he and Harry followed close behind the twins downstairs to see Percy dancing and singing to a song by Celestina Warbeck.

"Oh my God." Harry said wide-eyed. Then he and Ron followed the twin's suit of laughter at Percy and Mrs. Weasley trying to calm him down.

Remus and Hermione sat near the fire watching the drunken antics of the red head when Remus turned to the girl, "What's next?" He asked.

"The twins." Hermione smiled back.

**TBC!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Christmas at the Weasley's**

**By Shortymcshortnphat**

**AN: Ok, um, I really have no idea whatsoever as to what's going to happen next in this chapter, I write as I go, so, if you're surprised by anything, I probably am as well. It's shorter, but I'll update over the weekend I hope.**

**Chapter 3. The Tough One**

Hermione and Remus sat deep in conversation making sure to put a shield up over their voices for any extendable ears roaming around.

"The twins will be an extremely hard prank." Remus said,

"Yes, and I'm already running out of ideas for pranks to begin with," Hermione sighed sinking deeper into her chair.

"Plus we can't get them like we did Percy, they'll want to get drunk, it wouldn't be nearly as fun with cooperation." Remus complained, "I wish Sirius were here, he would have an idea." Hermione sat up in her chair after a moment's contemplation with a brightened expression.

"Remus, you knew Sirius very well, what did he do for his pranks?" Hermione inquired

"The usual, hanging you upside down, temporary hair dyes and skin dyes, bedwetting, wand switching." Remus rambled off

"Bed wetting?" Hermione asked

"Yeah, it's a traditional muggle sleep over trick, you should know that one." Remus looked at the girl confusedly.

"I do, and we're doing it." Hermione smiled getting up from the chair.

Remus shrugged, "Ok." They got everything together needed for the trick and tiptoed upstairs. The twins' door was locked when they arrived.

"Bastards…" whispered Remus as Hermione began to try numerous spells.

"I'm in!" Hermione whispered back

Harry Potter in the meantime was having a dream…

_Pumpkin pie tastes good, doesn't it Ron? Yes, yes it does…._

_But who ate the rest of it? Who is that? Over there? Who are you two?_

"Mate, wake up! Harry!" Harry opened his eyes slowly and peered up at Ron.

"What?" He asked groggily

"You were tossing and turning in your sleep talking about pie. Usually I would just leave you if it was pie but you looked worried, did you have a prophetic dream about pie? We are having some tonight right?"

"What the hell?" Harry asked still half asleep and not understanding what Ron was saying, "What do you want?"

Ron rolled his eyes, "Go back to sleep. There's a good chance you won't remember any of this."

"Ok." Harry said, "Good night."

"Good night." Ron replied a smile on his face.

"Gah!" Ron and Harry both woke up many hours later to Mrs. Weasley's scream from down the hall.

"Let's go!" Harry said grabbing his wand from inside his robe and rushing down the hall, with Ron following close behind him. There they laid eyes on a sight that made them burst out in laughter the moment they saw it. Fred and George were laughing as well, trying to figure out how they had both wet their beds.

"What are you two, five years old?" Molly shouted as the four boys laughed themselves horse, "Clean yourselves up."

Downstairs Remus and Hermione sat by the fireside chuckling to themselves. Crookshanks leapt up into Hermione's lap and the girl proceeded to stroke the cat dutifully.

"You know who's next right?" Remus asked

"I'm thinking what you're thinking." Hermione replied nodding.

"Great minds think alike."

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**Christmas at the Weasley's**

**Shortymcshortnphat**

**Chapter 4. One Scary Mess**

Remus and Hermione met early the next morning before anyone else got up. In case anyone came down, their excuse would be that Remus was helping Hermione with her Arithmacy homework.

"So, I have an idea." Hermione said, "Possibly the best one so far."

"So tell me, already." Remus said.

"Ketchup." Hermione replied with a gleeful smile on her face. Remus looked at her in confusion.

"That took a turn..." He said, "Care to explain?"

"Packets of ketchup, that's where the prank is, packets of ketchup." Hermione said. Taking a cue from Remus's confused expression she began to explain, "Say you roll up two ketchup packets so, you know, the ketchup is at one end and poke holes in with like a needle or something."

"So, we have leaking ketchup packets; how diabolical." Remus commented.

"Wait till I finish, please." Hermione said, "Put these packets between the toilet bowl and the toilet seat; someone sits down and splat; a massive freak out."

"Ah, now I see where you're going." Remus said with a smile, "But who do we do it to?"

"We need to do it to a man; a woman would just think it was course of nature."

"I'm thinking Bill." Remus said, "You don't hear much, you know...I'm not sure I can finish this thought..."

"That's alright; I think I know where you were trying to go." Hermione nodded understandingly.

* * *

"Please stop fighting!" Remus said loudly, "Just line up." Hermione and he had kept the drinks going around and the bathroom constantly occupied. Remus stuck Bill first in line and pushed him in when the bathroom became accessible. A few moments later Bill emerged with a look of horror on his face. Charlie tried to enter the bathroom, but Bill stopped him.

"You can't go into the bathroom!" Bill said panicked.

"You have got to be kidding me." Charlie said glaring at his brother.

"Mom!" Bill called loudly.

"Dude...what the hell!" Fred objected loudly, "What is so freakin' important."

"What is it, Bill?" Molly Weasley inquired going up the stairs.

"I, um, I need you to look at something." Bill said

"Why?" Molly asked entering the bathroom and looking around.

"I think I injured my rectum…" Bill said.

Molly looked at him skeptically, "There are ketchup packets on the floor."

"What?" Bill asked confusedly.

"I really thought you were above this kind of prank." Molly replied, "Now let someone else go."

"You mean I didn't injure myself?"

"Drop it, Bill."

* * *

"That was kind of funny." Hermione said that night.

"I enjoyed hearing the twins whisper jokes about how he sat down to go to the bathroom." Remus said

"That was hilarious." Hermione said, "So what's next?"

"I have a plan!"

**AN: Oh, ugly and short. See, the problem with me doing this kind of story is that I quickly run out of all original ideas very fast. But I have the rest of the story planned out and I'll try to keep to a somewhat regular schedual.**


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